The Thrill of the Chase
While conversing with one of my female friends yesterday, she shared a story with me about her recent experiences with a guy. They talked and exchanged text messages for a couple of weeks and she was actually starting to like him. With a date coming up the next day, she decided to send him a “good morning” text. Well, several hours passed with no response so then she started to worry. “Should I text him again? Maybe he didn’t get it? Maybe he’s busy? Are we still going on our date tomorrow? What’s going on that is so important that he can’t even return a simple text!” Long story short, he replies later on that day and the date goes great. As we reflected on the experience, I finally told her that chances are, he probably saw it and decided to ignore it. And guess what, it worked. Having been on both sides of this continuous battle, it got me thinking…
What exactly is it about “the thrill of the chase” that makes it, well, thrilling? Maybe the continuous guessing games? Not so much. Or how about the awkward moments of silence when a conversation arises about dating other people? I’ll have to go with no on that one too. Or maybe, just the feeling of being bamboozled when you find out they’ve been seeing someone else the entire time you’ve been fully invested? And no again. Unfortunately, we all hate it, yet for some reason, we do it all the time. We’ll want to call someone but feel like we’re falling too fast or showing too much emotion. It’s almost an innate reaction to put your guard up when receiving initial signs of affection from another person. We feel that hiding our true feelings is necessary to keep ourselves from getting hurt. Necessary to protect whatever pride that we may have remaining from our last attempt at “love”. I’ll admit; it takes a lot to go out on a limb these days and confess your inner most feelings to another person. I’m not suggesting that is the solution. But to continue to play these games at this age just seems silly.
I don’t ever remember witnessing an episode where Tom ever caught Jerry and that show ran for over 30 years. So unless we plan on continuously playing these cat and mouse games, and chasing a significant other for that long, I suggest that we push our pride aside and open up. What’s the worse that can happen?
-Boone
I agree with this entire post from top to bottom, but the real question is?? Will it ever happen?? All we can do is choose the direction we want to go in our lives….
@Tisha Jaye- Honestly, probably not! Things have probably been like this, and probably will be this way forever. I think the methods we use to play games might change over time (I’m sure our parents were sending text messages), but the people probably don’t.
shhhheeeeeesh.. this post has interesting timing!!! I’d have to agree with everything you wrote, but I have encountered some questions of my own.
In the game of cat and mouse… is the amount of guard put up directly proportional to how much you REALLY think you could potentially fall for the other person?
Sometimes I feel like I run the hardest from what I really want and then if the effort dies down, its easy to convince yourself you did the right thing by not putting yourself too far out there.
Essentially, everyone loves a challege, but how do you balance the challenge in the chase with the outcome both parties desire?
The post said, “I suggest that we push our pride aside and open up”… but wouldn’t that level of communication temper the fire in the so called “thrill”?
Thoughts?
@Kittie- Hmmm, great questions… To answer your first, I think you have a point. The amount of guard may be directly proportional to how much you could potentially fall. It’s something about those deep feelings that seem to scare people. Just like in relationships, you seem to get the angriest at someone, when you care the most. I think the same goes for fear and feelings. Like you said, the stronger you feel, the faster you run.
For your second question, I think that it depends. I’ve kind of found that the older I’ve gotten the less games I’ve had to play. And usually, if I find myself playing games, it’s defense mechanism because I think the other person is gaming me some way. I believe that at some point, finding somebody you genuinely feel strongly for will be enough “fire” for you. And if its not, damn, that sucks lol.
Good article, Boone. As one who is “honest to a fault”, who “puts all cards on the table”… playing games has never been of interest in me. But I find that my honest disclosure never ends with results I’d prefer. The thrill tends to falter soon after. …But I keep hope that one day I’ll come across a man who plays by the same rules as me.
Thanks a lot for this article. As a woman, the male perspective is ALWAYS appreciated, but to know there are men (even if only at this moment, you *lol*) who hold a very similar stance to me is COMFORTING. ‘Cause it is so easy to be convinced that men just want to play games–show interest & somewhat pursue but as soon as mutual interest is shown they throw in their hand & call it quits.
Nice…but peeps will always continue to play these games of cat and mouse…and it occurs at various ages and maturity levels…