All Dogs Go To Heaven

It’s not debatable. The most commonly used metaphor when associating men with relationships goes as such: all men are dogs. Well I agree.

Every woman who’s ever trashed Valentine’s Day cards and teddy bears, burned V-necks and graphic tees stolen from their counterpart, and maybe even keyed the occasional car door all while thinking, “…and another dog bites the dust” has had every right to do so. Personally, I love dogs. Canines are wild, lovable, caring, and above all else- which is where we get into the topic of this post- dogs are domesticated. Anyone who’s ever owned a pet knows that domestication means that that pet can be trained to fit the needs of its owner; to a certain extent.

REWIND back to the personification of the canine in which society has surpassed the prehistoric argument of debating whether or not men are dogs, and instead, let’s turn the discussion internal, in which my question is then posed as such: ladies, instead of asking yourself why are men dogs? Change your perspective, look in the mirror, and ask yourself, what type of dog do I prefer?

FAST FORWARD. There are over 150 breeds of dogs registered with the American Kennel Club, and that doesn’t include all breeds in the world. While this may be true, I’m only going to break down 4 of the most common breeds most females encounter in their lifetime. As I examine the characteristics of each breed, keep in mind the question posed earlier (for those who may be a little slower than others, it was specified for the ladies and goes as such: what type of dog do you prefer?)

 The Poodle: also known as “The Dog of Royalty”

Poodles are often portrayed as the rich man’s dog, and with their dainty walk and their meticulous grooming, as well as their popularity with royalty; it’s no wonder that this stereotype has been perpetuated for several centuries. Poodles need companionship from their owners to be happy (keyword: need). They tend to be depressed or sulk when left home alone for long periods of time.

Poodles have a laid-back demeanor when interacting with their owners (*clears throat* sounds very similar to a Type B personality), in which they may even jump in the lap of their owner when craving attention. Poodles need their owners to pay attention to their mood changes to be happy, and while they may be feisty at times, they do not bark often. Similar breeds include: the English Beagle, the Yorkie, the Chihuahua, and the Maltese.

So let me get this straight, the poodle is laid-back, likes attention, but doesn’t really say much- I mean bark, which means it PROBABLY doesn’t stick up for itself too often either… truuuuuuu.

  The Greyhound: also known as Mr. “In It For The Long Run”

 Once past puberty- I mean the puppy stage, greyhounds are calm and quiet indoors, moving lightly and gracefully. Greyhounds are the fastest of all dog breeds (it’s been said that the Greyhound can even outrun a horse in a sprint), and they are politely reserved with strangers while preferring to lean against their owner’s leg rather than approach people they don’t know. Like the Poodle, Greyhounds also seldom bark. Similar canine breeds include: all Retrievers, as well as the Saint Bernard.

So the Greyhound can outrun any other breed, it’s reserved, and it prefers to stay in the company of loved ones rather than approach a stranger at the club- I mean park… sounds like a keeper to me.

  The Pit Bull: also known as “The Rough Neck”

 Pit Bulls require very little grooming. They have an affectionate disposition, but have been bred to acquire a very high tolerance for pain. Pit Bulls are protective over their territory, and historically they have been bred to display dominant aggression toward other dogs. Similar breeds include: the German Boxer, the English Bull Dog, and the Rottweiler.

This sounds like a dog that’s been hurt a couple of times so it’s a little rough around the edges. I would think this dog needs to be well taken care of and probably isn’t necessarily a good fit for all owners. Funny thing is, I tend to see a lot of females walking around with this particular breed.

The German Sheppard: also known as “The Go Getter”

 The German Sheppard is one the smartest canine breeds, and intelligence is wasted in a home that simply wants a casual pet. It is obedient, confident, serious, and clever. The German Sheppard is extremely faithful and brave, and while slow to speak, it barks when it feels it is necessary.

The German Sheppard must be firmly trained in obedience from an early age, and aggression can be derived from poor handling and a lack of instruction from its owner. Problems arise when the proprietor allows the dog to believe he is the alpha male of the pack. Similar breeds include: the Alaskan Husky, and the Doberman Pinscher.

Sounds like this dog may be a little too smart for its own good. *shrug

As aforementioned, is the cultivated yet subjective breakdown of 4 different canine breeds in an emblematic light to help the reader look at the idiom of all men are dogs from an unusual, but refreshing viewpoint.

And for those ladies who don’t see themselves with a dog, there’s still hope… I know numerous females who rather spend their time with a pussycat instead.

I can always introduce you.

-Locka